Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
