We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
