I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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