Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
