i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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