so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
