she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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