Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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