I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
