I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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