It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
