Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
