Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
