its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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