u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
