Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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