Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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