Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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