i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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