I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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