I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize