I hate all girls vehemently.
we made out on top of his cat.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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