I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
