once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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