My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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