My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
