Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
