He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
