Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
