remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
