I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize