If i come over, it means nothing
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
