you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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