I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize