I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
