Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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