i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
