once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
