omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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