I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I touched a dick in church today
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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