farters have to be the big spoon...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think pants incapable of making pants work
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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