I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
