Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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