Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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