Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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