i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's like God shit irony all over that family
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
