I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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