maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
