Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
honey bunches of taint.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
