Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
