He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize