..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
