Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want her autograph on my taint
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
