i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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