..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
