Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
