im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
