If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
