We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize