What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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