so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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