nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Redeem this text for a blowjob
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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