You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
